BB: Titus Andronicus, Act II

(Podcast recorded and produced by Daniel J. Rowe, blog written and edited by Eric Jean)

Welcome back Brawlers to the Bard Brawl’s eleventh and bloodiest play, Titus Andronicus.

Listen to or download the podcast.


He makes fun, but we all know Eric will be the next great mustachioed brawler.


There are already a couple of people dead after act I but that’s nothing compared to what happens to Lavinia in act II.

If you’re trying to impress a girl by taking her out to some Shakespeare to show her your cultured and refined sensibilities, you may want to pass on Titus Andronicus. Not my recommendation as a first date play.

She may get the wrong idea is all I’m saying. (I’m also saying that this play is fucked up.)

In scene 1 we meet “Empress” Tamora’s boy toy, Aaron the Moor. He’s pretty excited that Tamora’s slept her way to the top and he imagines that this means his mistress has just graduated to sugar mommy. He’s pretty pumped about that but when Tamora’s sons Chiron and Demetrius start fighting about a girl, he gets worried that they’re about the mess it up for everyone.

Aaron breaks up their fight but when he finds out that the girl they’re both fighting over is Titus’ daughter Lavinia, he sees a way to strike at Titus. So he suggests that instead of fighting over her, they should team up and just rape her in the woods.

As this seems like such a well-reasoned and logical solutions, they sheath their weapons and head off. Mommy will be so proud. (No, really. She will.)


Everyone is gathered in the forest about to go hunting in scene 2 but Lavinia decides she’ll stay behind and chill. Coincidentally, so do Demetrius and Chiron, probably the most despicable characters in Shakespeare.

While her new husband is off with Titus hunting, Tamora finds a little alone time with Aaron. But he’s not really interested because he’s too preoccupied with his plans for vengeance! (Wait. What did anyone actually do to Aaron? Did I miss something?) He hears Bassianus and Lavinia approach so he tells Tamora to pick a fight while he gets her sons to back her up.

The Empress accuses Bassianus of following her, Lavinia calls her a slut, and Bassianus says he’ll rat her out. Enter Demetrius and Chiron who stab and kill Bassianus.

This makes mom very happy, but not as happy as the idea of her sons raping Lavinia.

Lavinia tries to appeal to Tamora to make them stop but she just tells her sons to make sure that once they’re done, they make sure “this prostitute” can’t tell anyone about what they did to her. Demetius and Chiron throw Bassianus’s body into a pit and drag Lavinia off.

What the hell, Shakespeare?

Just then, Aaron leads Titus’ sons Martius and Quintus to the open pit, where one of them falls in, completely by accident (really?), and identifies the body in the pit as Bassianus. Vertigo, or idiocy, must run in the family as the other brother falls in while trying to help the first one out. By the time Aaron returns with the hunting party, they’re both stuck down there with the body, probably covered in Bassianus’ blood, and not worried in the least.

Of course, Saturninus sentences them both to death for killing his brother, but Titus begs him to spare his sons until they can be proven guilty. Too bad Tamora brings out a fake letter implicating Quintus and Martius in the killing of Bassianus.

But no worries. Tamora tell Titus that she’s got his back and she’ll think of something to help him. And off goes Titus with his only remaining son, Lucius. [Cue evil laugh.]

While that has been going on, Demetrius and Chiron have been busy. Once they finish raping Lavinia, they decide that they won’t kill her. Instead, they cut out her tongue so she couldn’t tell anyone about what happened. And just to be sure, they cut off her hands too, to make sure she can’t write about it either… nor get a rope to hang herself.

So yeah. That happened.

Finally, Lavinia is found by her uncle Marcus who can’t believe that someone did this crazy, fucked up shit to her.

Call it a hunch, but my guess is there’s some bad shit around the corner waiting for Tamora, Demetrius and Chiron. And as yesterday was pi day, probably some pie.

You won’t want to miss any of it.

Kayla Cross returns to the brawl and reads sonnet 54 with all pomp and dignity.


'Zounds!, Act I, ii
‘Zounds!, Act I, ii



Check out the rest of the amazing writers and artists in ‘Zounds! 

Buy Volume II NOW.



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Richard II, Act III

The ambience for this week's podcast provided by the food for Sir Herman Stern, first toad-kind Bard Brawler.
The ambience for this week’s podcast provided by the food for Sir Herman Stern, first toad-kind Bard Brawler.

(Podcast recorded and produced by Daniel J. Rowe, blog written and edited by Eric Jean)

Hey Brawlers! It’s been a while but summer’s finally (ugh) over so it’s time to get back to our Bardic business. Bear with me for a second while I get my bearings…

Welcome back Brawlers to the Bard Brawl’s tenth play! (trumpets sound)

To celebrate our historic achievement, we bring you Shakespeare history play The Life and Death of Richard the Second. It’s also called Richard II, or R II if you really know your Bard.

Listen to or download the podcast, or better yet subscribe on iTunes.

So here we go.

Act III, scene 1. Henry Bolingbroke and his allies have holed up at Bristol castle and they’ve taken two of King Richard’s cronies captive, Bushy and Green. Hank B’s not too pleased that these two brown-nosers have been spreading rumours that got him banished and that they’ve been living it up on the profits of his stolen lands. To show the world that he is a gentleman (meaning a true-blooded badass and not to be f****d with), he has them killed.

In the mean time, King Richard’s been off in Ireland fighting and comes back to England to discover that Bolingbroke’s back for what’s his. Richard’s followers are afraid that he’s in danger of losing the crown. But the Bishop of Carlisle reassures him that since God made him king, that there’s no way that God would let that happen, right? Provided that he stop whining like a baby, stopped hiding out in this castle in Wales and actually tried to do something about it!

Richard’s not worried though because he knows that the presence of his mighty, supernatural, divine awesomeness will break the rebellion!

But then comes the bad news.

He’s got no army. Worse, a bunch of the nobles who were supposed to back him have switched to Bolingbroke’s side.

Not feeling so mighty now, eh?

Bolingbroke’s forces march their way to Flint castle in Wales where Richard is holed up so Bolingbroke can make his formal demands. He kneels and swears fealty to the king and promises to service him faithfully if he gets his lands back and has his banishment repealed. But just in case, he does remind King Richard that he’s got a pretty big posse ready to kick down the doors and take what he wants by force.

Does Henry mean it when he says he didn’t come here for the crown? I’m not sure but it certainly does remind me of a few other “No, no. Really, I don’t want the absolute power” moments in Shakespeare. There was a certain Richard Gloucester (you know, Richard III) who refused to rule. And also this guys Julius Caesar which you might have heard about.

Finally, the queen’s pretty bummed about all of this Bolingbroke business and her lady is trying to distract her from her doom and gloom thoughts. She’s not having much success. When some gardeners show up to work on the queen’s garden (get your mind out of the gutter!) the two hide to overhear them. Of course, they’re talking about the latest news which is that Richard is probably going to be deposed. She takes it out on the messenger and runs off to find Richard in London.

(Here’s what really going on with all of the gardening crap. It’s an allegory for the kingdom. They’re really describing how Richard II was a bad ruler who couldn’t weed out the dangerous plants and snakes from his garden. He just assumed that being anointed king was enough and that everything would just sort itself out because, hey, he’s the king. Then along comes Henry Bolingbroke looking to graft himself into the royal family tree as king, get it? Sure you do. You’re pretty smart)

That’s it for act III but stay tuned for act IV soon!

The brawl welcomes back the lovely voice of Kayla Cross, who digs into and delivers sonnet 54 like only she can.

And hey! Buy ‘Zounds! You’ll never regret or forget it. Volume II is OUT NOW.brassknucklestshirt1.png

Stay in Touch Brawlers!

Follow @TheBardBrawl on Twitter.

Like our Facebook page.

Email the Bard Brawl at

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